Considering SECLUSION...
Today is Vesak Day and my DEAREST Lit teachers are giving us a test tomorrow. Oh well! Tomorrow also marks the last episode of my current favourite drama. (~sobs~) Enough about tomorrow. Like Zi Wei said: Life is about enjoying the moment, there is no point is worrying endlessly. The topic of today's blog is about human seclusion. I know that the topic may be a little strange but I believe it is worth considering...
A few weeks ago, I was beleaguered by problems concerning my friends at my current school. I keep having the feeling that I am not appreciated as a friend but instead USED. For instance, if friend A's friend is absent from school, friend A is exceptionally friendly to me and wants my company. On other days, I feel rather left out despite knowing they would not disagree on my presence in being with them. This feeling is not unfounded or irrational as whenever I am not with the group of friends, they would not bother asking for me. The thing is, I cannot abandon this group of friends as they are the closest companions I have in class. I realised that in life, one cannot expect companions of one's choice and would have to "go with the flow" at some point of time to "get ahead". I would like telling frankly to the group of friends I have now about how I feel but I am not prepared to commit to a serious friendship with them. It seems a little hypocritical to appear happy in front of them when I am not and I am not particularly good at hiding me feelings. Well, the world is rather hypocritical.
It was this that I thought of living in seclusion. Taoism, which in its originality, advocates individualism and social seclusion, suddenly appears attractive to me as an ideology. I pondered on how it would be like if I would leave the urban city of Singapore forever to set up a home on top of a green lushious mountain that is far away from civilisation. I would then not have to be plagued by social vices such as jealousy, selfishness, greed and so on. I realised that with society, mankind has to adapt to each other to ensure harmony and progress. But, with adaptation with others, we lose a bit of our individuality. I was really considering to run away to the mountains. I do not want to keep myself sad and depressed over friends who seek to betray or use me or acquaintances who befriend me for the sake of their own use. Nonetheless, I am held back by two things: my family and my dream.
1. My family is the only social unit in my life that I feel really appreciated. My family is the reason why I keep back from thoughts of suicide or giving up when facing setbacks. If I were to seclude myself, the first person who will be worried about me is my mother. Also, I will worry about the rest of the family. I am sure that I would miss them the most during my seclusion. I mean it...everyone of them (although I may not be close to all of them, all of them constitute the most memorable moments of my life and I doubt no one else could replace them)
2. My dream in this life is to have a HAPPY family of my own and to prove myself to be a SUCCESSFUL person. Living in the mountains would need me to abandon this dream. I would not leave this life feeling regretful that I have not achieved anything.
Well, I may consider this idea of seclusion when I am old and useless. I believe that at that point of time, I would be disregarded by society and my family members will have their own happy enough lives to lead to be concerned about me. Till then, I would have to try living with the society. The society whose members lead double lives to keep up with social expectations and yet following their inner desires.
Also,
I wish to include that I am grateful to all those true friends of mine who would stay by my side and never fail to brighten up my days.
Yun Ting - Thank you for your frankness. You made me realised that life is not a bed of roses.
Soon Ying - Thank you for your willingness to listen to my rantings and your worldly advice.
Indah - Thank you for being the best Malay classmate and friend. Your presence in Malay
class during Secondary 3 and 4 made Malay classes my favourite.
Kai Tian - Thank you for being the patient listening ear and my super-active partner in Secondary two. Your liveliness never fails to put a smile on my face!
Osha - Thank you for your willingness in listening to my blabberings for hours! Haha! You are indeed a fun person to talk to. I long to have another long conversation with you on the phone.
Khee Hoon -Thank you for appreciating and understanding me for who I am.
Zi Wei -Thank you for accompanying me on my lonely days. You never know how much I
appreciate your company.
Rubez - Thank you for pointing out my faults and making me grow out of my once-naive
perspective of the world
To all those FRIENDS whom I have not mentioned, thank you for being there in my life and making it less mundane and monotonous as it is. In conclusion, I end this entry with this quote dedicated to all my friends:
E. B. White:
You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. A spider's life can't help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone's life can stand a little of that.
Charlotte, "Charlotte's Web"
A few weeks ago, I was beleaguered by problems concerning my friends at my current school. I keep having the feeling that I am not appreciated as a friend but instead USED. For instance, if friend A's friend is absent from school, friend A is exceptionally friendly to me and wants my company. On other days, I feel rather left out despite knowing they would not disagree on my presence in being with them. This feeling is not unfounded or irrational as whenever I am not with the group of friends, they would not bother asking for me. The thing is, I cannot abandon this group of friends as they are the closest companions I have in class. I realised that in life, one cannot expect companions of one's choice and would have to "go with the flow" at some point of time to "get ahead". I would like telling frankly to the group of friends I have now about how I feel but I am not prepared to commit to a serious friendship with them. It seems a little hypocritical to appear happy in front of them when I am not and I am not particularly good at hiding me feelings. Well, the world is rather hypocritical.
It was this that I thought of living in seclusion. Taoism, which in its originality, advocates individualism and social seclusion, suddenly appears attractive to me as an ideology. I pondered on how it would be like if I would leave the urban city of Singapore forever to set up a home on top of a green lushious mountain that is far away from civilisation. I would then not have to be plagued by social vices such as jealousy, selfishness, greed and so on. I realised that with society, mankind has to adapt to each other to ensure harmony and progress. But, with adaptation with others, we lose a bit of our individuality. I was really considering to run away to the mountains. I do not want to keep myself sad and depressed over friends who seek to betray or use me or acquaintances who befriend me for the sake of their own use. Nonetheless, I am held back by two things: my family and my dream.
1. My family is the only social unit in my life that I feel really appreciated. My family is the reason why I keep back from thoughts of suicide or giving up when facing setbacks. If I were to seclude myself, the first person who will be worried about me is my mother. Also, I will worry about the rest of the family. I am sure that I would miss them the most during my seclusion. I mean it...everyone of them (although I may not be close to all of them, all of them constitute the most memorable moments of my life and I doubt no one else could replace them)
2. My dream in this life is to have a HAPPY family of my own and to prove myself to be a SUCCESSFUL person. Living in the mountains would need me to abandon this dream. I would not leave this life feeling regretful that I have not achieved anything.
Well, I may consider this idea of seclusion when I am old and useless. I believe that at that point of time, I would be disregarded by society and my family members will have their own happy enough lives to lead to be concerned about me. Till then, I would have to try living with the society. The society whose members lead double lives to keep up with social expectations and yet following their inner desires.
Also,
I wish to include that I am grateful to all those true friends of mine who would stay by my side and never fail to brighten up my days.
Yun Ting - Thank you for your frankness. You made me realised that life is not a bed of roses.
Soon Ying - Thank you for your willingness to listen to my rantings and your worldly advice.
Indah - Thank you for being the best Malay classmate and friend. Your presence in Malay
class during Secondary 3 and 4 made Malay classes my favourite.
Kai Tian - Thank you for being the patient listening ear and my super-active partner in Secondary two. Your liveliness never fails to put a smile on my face!
Osha - Thank you for your willingness in listening to my blabberings for hours! Haha! You are indeed a fun person to talk to. I long to have another long conversation with you on the phone.
Khee Hoon -Thank you for appreciating and understanding me for who I am.
Zi Wei -Thank you for accompanying me on my lonely days. You never know how much I
appreciate your company.
Rubez - Thank you for pointing out my faults and making me grow out of my once-naive
perspective of the world
To all those FRIENDS whom I have not mentioned, thank you for being there in my life and making it less mundane and monotonous as it is. In conclusion, I end this entry with this quote dedicated to all my friends:
E. B. White:
You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. A spider's life can't help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone's life can stand a little of that.
Charlotte, "Charlotte's Web"
posted by miss perfecto at 11:05 PM
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